Dating in LA Sucks, Part I
Last night I tweeted, “ya know, I’m a cute girl. very funny and smart. got a car and job. great taste. so what’s up universe?”
It’s true. I’m not being immodest. I have it together so why do I keep meeting freaks? I’m not looking to be anyone’s paycheck, therapist or mama.
For the last couple of years, I’ve been going through what seems like an endless cycle of bad dates. I have a bad date and then “retire” from the dating world for about 4-6 months. At this rate, I’m never going to be with anyone. And, I have to stress this, I don’t NEED to be with anyone. Which is why I don’t take a more pro-active role in dating. I can’t keep up with the girls who go on a date every night of the week. I just don’t have the patience.
Sure, I am a little wistful of the happy (or maybe not always happy) couples around me but I’m often very glad to be single because who wants to date a loser?
Earlier this year, I went on a few dates who I made excuses for but it came down to the fact he was so wrong for me. He didn’t have his shit together and like a typical chick, I overlooked it because I liked him.
So, it’s been six months and I decided to take the plunge and try this online site one last time even though half the time, the blind dates have been worthy of several movie scripts.
Our date was set at a coffee shop at 7:30. About 7:10, he texted saying he “had a good feeling and wanted to see if I wanted to go somewhere else.” As it was, I was driving and almost there. I told him to just get there and we’ll decide. Well, I was 15 minutes early and then he was 20 minutes late for the date, arriving at 7:50.
He had said he would buy the first shot of espresso but I wasn’t going to hang out in a small independent coffee shop for 35 minutes without buying anything. He was surprised I hadn’t waited for him.
We are a visual society. Attraction is a funny thing. It’s pretty much instantaneous for me. My eyeful of him left me desperate to leave immediately. From his widened eyes, I was floating his boat.
This dating site matches you based on your preferences. I had requested a tall guy in good shape within a certain age range. This man looked about my height, heavy and looked much older than his supposed 35 years.
But I try to be a good sport on dates. I really believe that a bad attitude can make or break a date. Because the coffee shop was closing (they had already mopped around me while I was waiting), we headed out to the busy boulevard.
He mentioned he wanted to buy a book so we went to a bookstore. I asked him what book it was and he wouldn’t tell me but I overheard him asking the clerk who told him it was in the self-help section.
Um. What?
Self-help books. Is this really happening?
What did I buy? I bought a mini-martini shaker set. I needed booze stat.
He then said he was hungry and asked if I wanted to get something but I wasn’t hungry and since I was coming down with a cold, I wanted to get going. He immediately got hostile and it seemed he didn’t believe me because he started spouting out insane reasons why someone would need to go home like, “oh, you have to wax your legs?” Um, snarky. And dude, for your information, I shaved my legs this morning. Of course, I was wearing pants so how would he know?
I did agree to a drink. He ordered a beer and I had a whiskey. He started talking about male and female energies and what he termed “whoo ha.” He was ranting about how so many women are “choosing” to be lesbians. I was losing focus. He started talking about how his family was quite wealthy and had land. Um. Yeah, turn-off.
At some point, I went to the restroom to come back to see him texting. He was angry that I wanted to go home and because it was “early,” he wanted someone to come out to meet him. Oooookay.
Time to go. He didn’t walk me to my car which is fine by me. And despite my super polite background, I didn’t thank him for the whiskey. I felt umbrage this guy ruined my night between his tardiness, weird self-help book buying and bad attitude.
So yeah, dating in LA sucks. I guess I’ll go on another date something around June 2010. Maybe the cycle of guys by then will be better. No, who am I kidding? I just need to look at dating like a job. I need to have more dates so the one or two bad ones like last night don’t stick out so much.
But really, self-help books? Okay, I’m done.
Dating in LA does suck, I feel for ya! Believe it or not I met by beau at happy hour watching a Lakers game (yeah, a bar). 🙂 You just never know when you are going to run into Mr Right!
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Ha, I’m actually not really worried. I know I’m not going to be alone forever but at the same time, dating just sucks. 🙂
Oh well, upward and onward!
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I didn’t know Neil Strauss was in the self-help section? ;p
Still, sounds like this guy could use some help. And you don’t want to be part of his learning curve.
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Argh, he just sent me a note to say I seem like a cool person. Yes, well, not interested in him!
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I am fully invested in this process. You, Josie, and I should compare notes. I have had a good string of dates lately though. It’s all a numbers game and a full-time job.
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I’m writing a book about dating in LA. Sadly, the book remains mostly unwritten because I’m not motivated enough to constantly date. Still, I need to do the research! Yes, get Josie to join. Maybe she’ll do better than I would!
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Okay, that guy was just gross and prototypical LA. If it was me, I would have probably openly mocked him the whole date and refused to pay for anything–but I’m vicious sometimes, and you sound like a sweet kind soul!
Dates are like stocks. The more diversity you have the better chances of makin’ bank. It’s not about being a hooker but about energy. The more people you are dating, the more attractive you seem because you aren’t focusing on a specific dude’s attention.
Or just continue being young, hot, and single and have fun until you are ready for baby making!
I vote for that! 😉
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Ha, no baby making for me so I guess I’ll stay forever young, hot and single. Well, single anyway.
D’oh!!
No, I know I should be dating a lot more than I am. Being able to count the number of dates I’ve had in the last two years on 2 hands is NOT good.
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OMG. You are living my life on the west coast. Bad news, guys in NYC are just as awful. Maybe we should try Chicago? I hear young, pretty, smart, witty girls get married there.
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This Chicago thing is probably true! I’ve dated 8-9 guys from Chicago (in LA though).
Hm, my hot single guy friend in NYC has a horrible time dating but I thought it was because he is picky. And I’m fairly picky myself. But if we’re not picky, then what…we won’t be single?
Wait, that almost makes sense.
Really, what I think it is– people in big cities have a lot of options. Midwest and smaller towns seem to have less options?
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Ummm is this hot single guy friend in NYC tall, brilliant and funny? Cause I could be into that. Just sayin’ 😉
I think the older we get the more defined we become in what we’re “looking for,” even if we don’t consciously think we’re “looking.” Granted, self-help-seeking tardy-texters are obvious “no’s” in my book — but I do think the more we “date” the more we experience personality traits in others that we either really like or really don’t. And figuring that out gives us a clearer view of the kind of person we’d want to be with. And that can be a blessing and a curse. Right?
C’est la vie.
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I totally can relate to everything you’re saying. I usually don’t meet guys outside of work and that means the pool of guys is pretty limited. For a while, I was doing the referral thing. Friend of a friend? Sure, why not? But that never worked out because of something or other.
As for the Midwest, I haven’t really dated anyone since I moved to Madison. You want to know why? Because it’s amazing how many men are already married here. Young, our age, older, it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know that many men who are divorced, and those that are single and never been married? Their last name might as well be Samsonite because they have so much baggage. Anytime I’m in Chicago visiting friends, I do meet men, all kinds of men. And for a lot of them, me living in Madison isn’t really conducive to getting to know me more, which I get. Long distance relationships are a deal-breaker for some. I was dating this guy that told me after a month of dating that he couldn’t see us continuing to date unless I moved to IL. Um, yeah. I’ll give up a job I love for something that may not work out? I don’t think so.
As for being picky, I know I’m picky too. But I’d rather be happy by myself than miserable with someone who isn’t quite right.
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Actually, I’m not entirely sure if he’s still single. We haven’t talked in a while. But he’s in Kid Dervin, an improv group in NYC so check them out. His name is Brendan and I think he looks like Heath Ledger. He’s also into roller derby which I think is awesome.
http://www.kiddervin.com/
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I just really notice that everyone seems to keep looking at people
too quickly on the outside when the outside doesn’t really matter.
Life is so short. We are all so afraid..I read a book that helped me
now you don’t like self help books it seems but they are helpful.
I don’t know why you thought something was wrong with him for wanting to buy a self help book.
I would think “yah! A guy who like to improve!”
And the same shallow behavior that makes us feel really bad we seem
to keep giving out to the next person lower on the totem pole below us.
LA is a brutal city and there are a lot of mean people there..don’t let it change you
and attract experiences you don’t want.
You have to decide what you want…really want..
I found a card you wrote me from back in 2002.
You sound a lot different. You were talking about the same exact thing then.
I am not judging I am in the same boat. But you have to think about it
and see what it is that makes it the same..
BTW I notice you friend here above me Jessamine says everyone in Madison is married..
what??? There are so many younger men here I have to beat them off with a stick…
If you are ready and it is time you can meet the one other single person in a room filled
with married people…
I wish you luck because you have a really good heart.
You deserve the best my dear.
Hugs
L
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