So, I’m not gay. Not even a little “bi.”
However, I’m very much a part of gay culture not because some might call me a “fag hag” or “fruit fly.” I dislike either term because I’m not one.
I am not Grace. Nor is he Will.
As one bisexual friend of mine calls me, I’m just fabulous. I like to think of myself as gay-friendly or gay adjacent.
And yet, what am I? Yes, I have a gay boyfriend. In fact, I have several but the main squeeze is the one I hang out the most. He really is just a friend, a very good friend. We travel together, get invited to weddings as a couple and spent almost every day together and if not, we talk on the phone daily. People think of us as a matched set.
Straight women often ask me about the gay boyfriend. They want to know how I got one. Honey, I don’t know. Actually, I do know. But what it is about me, I cannot give them so they end up with their very own gay boy. And no, you can’t borrow mine. He’s not an accessory to be loaned out.
However, I think what sets me apart from other hags or wannabe hags is I’m not attracted to gay men. I go to gay clubs to dance and to have fun. I read gay literature but I’m a voracious reader, I read everything. One of my favorite movies as a kid was Victoria/Victoria and my favorite film of all time is Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
See, these straight women LIKE these gay guys. They want to be with them, not just be their straight girlfriend. They want to be Grace. I used to tell people the gay boyfriend and I are like a real couple, except without the sex. I cannot imagine having sex with him. Not that he isn’t my physical type (tall, blond, blue-eyed, looks like the epitome of a California surfer boy) but because he’s my friend (silent “ewww” here). People tell me, “Minty, he’s hot.” Yeah, he is but I’m not attracted to him and they just don’t understand that. I suppose because I always knew he is gay, it was pointless to pine for him. So no, I don’t even like him even a little bit that way.
I find I have a lot in common with gay men. I like shopping, men and good food. Am I cultured? Perhaps. I also like to dance.
But Minty, some say, that’s just superficial stuff.
Yes, it is. I can ogle cuties with women just as well. I can shop with them. Eat with *gasp*, straight men. Oh, and I suppose I can dance by myself. And I frequently do.
The reason why I get along so well with gay men the way I do is because we’re both on the fringe.
What’s that? But being gay is so mainstream these days. Is it? Then why isn’t gay marriage allowed in California?
And why do tall gangly chubby girls get ostracized the way they do? At least that’s how I perceive myself. I may no longer be fat but I still have a fat girl in my head. And I just don’t feel like everyone else. A very good (gay) friend of mine thinks that’s why so may hags are obese women. They yearn to be fabulous and can only express it by having fab gay men in their lives.
Well, that’s the gay man’s take on it. I just know I get along with gay men. They love me and they want to go to brunch. That’s good enough for me.
I love being gay adjacent.